(Well, not really)

If Scheherazade took a page from Melville, this mashup could be the result.

Our narrator’s first tale is of a hermit residing in a shed in the forest. Not unlike Ted Kaczynski, though without the explosives. Most of the forests have been razed, for no other reason than an economy based on extraction. The hermit found a tiny scrap of forest left in which to hide. GPS leads those seeking the hermit to the wrong street a block away– a street that dead ends with no access to the hermit’s place. As if the hermit is in witness protection. Anonymity is the hermit’s goal, because sneaky is the best resistance. This tale, like all of them, ends in a cliffhanger: What is the hermit doing in that shed?

The next night weaves a tapestry of radicalization, in a land where becoming radicalized has begun to lose all meaning. When all are outraged (or just raging), it’s de rigueur. Acts of terror by the state tend to make terrorists of all…should the need (or greed) arise. This particular radical, let’s call them the UnaScrivener, refrains from thoughts of violence. “I would prefer not to,” they say. Not unlike Bartleby…which is a story about capitalism & alienation. We exit the tale shrouded in mystery. How will the radical effect change in an angry land? Stay tuned.

Scheherazade follows this with a story of a saboteur. The saboteur has read much about spooky doings by shadow agents. The saboteur’s study unearths a checklist for destabilizing a nation. According to the likes of John le Carré & Mick Herron anyway. The saboteur recognizes these are fiction, but art imitates life. Or is it vice versa? Whatever. One thing stands out: to sabotage a consumer culture, cease to be a consumer. The saboteur realizes they are just one person, but one person can make a difference. Or, so it’s said.  

Thus begins the tale of an elementary school student of decades past. This student, like many others, came through the  public school system, & was groomed to admire the greatness of business. Fed a steady diet of ‘U.S.YAY!’, the student was shown films about the wonders of industry & joys of The American Way. These movies were not educational, nor entertaining. A picture like How Lightbulbs Are Made would’ve been far more interesting to the student had it included planned obsolescence & the fight against unions in manufacturing. The student was not amused. This would spark early dissatisfaction with ‘the land of the free & the home of the brave.’

The next tale told was of an aimless 20-something, & their friend JC. The pair discovered they could check out a 16mm projector & educational films of the 50s-60s from the public library. The pals launched a sort of Mystery School Theater 1986 in the aimless 20-something’s apartment, tacked a sheet up on the wall & invited friends to watch. They didn’t reveal the titles beforehand– a surprise for everyone! These movies, the stuff of extreme boredom from everyone’s youth, were films no one wanted to see the first time around. But now they were dated & hilarious, especially with the audience’s silly one-liners to accompany. Indoctrination was never so much fun! Alas, the titles got lost to history, & the search for them becomes a later tale.

The subsequent night’s story is of a malcontent who doesn’t whinge about all & sundry indiscriminately. The malcontent is selective, because complaining about everything cancels out  kvetching about what’s really wrong. If ‘the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice,’ it is only bent by the aggrievement of malcontents. Therefore the negative connotation of the word is disproved. Perhaps not all malcontents are the same, but neither are any 2 people. Still, this malcontent feels the word needs a shiny new image, & sets out to give it one. 

Yet the tales continue. Perhaps staving off an execution, who knows? This story is about an alternatively successful artist & writer. Success is relative, & this artist/writer is definitely alternative. The artist/writer recalls with fondness a time in their 20s with friend JC, running a popup movie theater. A kind of sarcastic cinema, amusing for dull afternoons. The artist/writer tried to remember any of the films they screened, to no avail. They sent a message to JC asking if he knew. No response. Friend Kim said “I only remember the movie about how lightbulbs were made.” The artist/writer finds the end of this story disappointing, & yet…

Here comes the tale of a curmudgeon on a fool’s errand. Or a fool for an errant curmudgeon. Or “an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.” [Sorry] Scheherazade spins the story of The Caller & the Library Staffer.

CALLER: I have a question about my borrowing history & how far back the library’s records go

STAFFER: You can access your history through your online account

CALLER: This is for pre-online era, 1986

STAFFER: Oh, no, the library doesn’t keep those records. Is there something else I can help you with?

CALLER: Maybe. I used to check out 16mm educational films & a projector. Do you have a list of your titles?

STAFFER: We no longer have those in our collection. Many of them went to the Washington Film Archive. You could check with them. We do have catalogs of our previous collection. I can put you in touch with our catalog curator if you give me your email

CALLER: Thank you, that would be helpful! [supplies email]

Finally comes the tale of Ali Filmfan & the 2 Caves of Titles. Ali Filmfan jumps on the web like a magic flying carpet & visits the Washington Film Archive. There Ali finds no access to titles, & must resort to the ‘contact us’ click. Ali leaves a message seeking titles from the previous collection of the Seattle Public Library. The response was terse: ‘You have to make an in-person appointment to view our catalog. Use the link to submit a request to view.’ Well, Ali thinks, aren’t they a little too special to let just anyone view their catalog? Criminy! No Open Sesame here.

The other cave seemed more promising anyway. The curator of the Seattle Public Library’s previous collection catalogs sent an email. Within the email were 3 links that took Ali nowhere informative, with only headings of the various films’ subject matter, but no titles. There was mention of an upcoming PDF of titles for download, currently being compiled & with no completion date. At the end of the email was a link to a submission form to view the catalog. In person. At the library. In a city far away. Where Ali was not bound to go.

This concludes the sleights, the slightly sly misdirections to illustrate different characters. Nothing like the countless sleights (read deceptions) jingoism plays at. I only used 1,001 for allusion, not numerical accuracy. I had to type in ‘1,001 Nights’ to correctly spell Scheherazade.